Noodles: The Grand Pubah

Annual Update?

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 05:58:19 GMT

Crazy I haven't updated in almost 2 years. Just never anything interesting to write. I read back on my "Gabriel" posts. I enjoyed them a lot, I wish I expanded on that, but I'm not a good writer... Anyway, lots have happened the past 2 years, moved a couple of times, finally making it to San Francisco. I have a wonderful girlfriend, 2 annoying dogs, and same crappy green car (now with smashed rear!). But there is too much to say, so rather than update you what i've eaten the past year and a half, I'll just mention what I've done recently.

Lately, I'd been busy sending out my resumes and reels to companies, only to get months and months of silence. No emails, phone calls, nada. Animation is a tough biz to get into. Sometimes it's about who you know, most of the time it's about being the best of the best, and then there are those who just get lucky. As far as becoming a professional animator, I wasn't any of those.

Meanwhile, I've been working as a Lab Tech at the Academy of Art University in San Francisco. Helping students learn new programs, troubleshoot software and hardware, facebooking... Well, doing all this the past couple of years started to demotivate me as it wasn't where I had imagined I'd be years after college. I was getting restless and I wanted to see progress on some front.

During eternal search for the mythological "Animation Career", I'd applied to Rhythm & Hues, a special effects movie company known for their work in "The Golden Compass" (which got them an Oscar), "Scooby Doo", "Alvin & the Chipmunks", "The Incredible Hulk", and MANY other films. While my animation reel wasn't enough to score me a job as an animator, I was able to get in contact with a friend who had worked there for a couple years. He was a TD in their render department and said he'd pass my resume along since he knew I was a hard working, trustworthy person. Back in college, we worked on a few projects together, went bar hopping, and had a few memories. He'd recommended back then it'd always be good to know a little bit of UNIX code, as a lot of industries run on Linux based systems. You never know when it might come in handy.

Well, it took months after giving him my resume that it fell into the right hands. I'd nearly given up hope that anyone would ever see it until I got the "phone call". It was the opportunity for an interview at R&H down in LA. Without hesitation I agreed, and drove to LA the following week. By the end of the interview I was cool on the outside, but inside, I was a mess. Just being considered for any position at such a reputable company was an honor, and I was nervous and excited at the same time. I thought the worst was over as I drove back toward gloomy San Francisco, but then there was... The Wait. I didn't realize it'd be another month before I got any type of follow-up (especially when I was told I hear back from someone in 2 weeks or less). The anxiety was killing me.

A month after the interview, I assumed that was my shot and though I did my best, they must have found a "better fit". I carried on with my current job, prepping for another semester of students, animation; the daily grind. One night, however, I got, not a call, no. I got an EMAIL from someone at R&H. Ah, so there is my rejection letter I thought. I mean, if they wanted me for job, they'd called me. But the email was an easy impersonal way of letting someone know they just didn't quite cut it. I opened it up just for closure, and my eyes immediately glazed over a few choice words: "Impressed", "Good Fit", and "Offer". I jumped out of my chair and felt a surge of happiness. They wanted me! They were offering me a position as a Render I/O Coordinator. I start in 2 weeks. =D

So what's the point? I didn't get that animation job I'd been pining for all these years. Yeah, well... I am one step closer to my dreams. The first goal coming out of college was to get a job at a movie company. It could be any position, so long as I got to see my name in the credits on that silver screen. I am well on my way. This is only the first step toward achieving the ultimate goal of animator. I am closer, and I feel progress, momentum, and motivation.

Where you go in your career is decided on 3 things. Skill, Timing, and Luck. If you don't have one, you can always make it up with another. Constantly work on your skills, because those are the foundations of your career, never give up on improving if your dreams require you to be one of the best. Socializing is an important skill. Make friends, stay friends, and respect everyone around you, as one day, you realize how much you all need each other. For some, their calling comes early, for others, it could take much longer. Be patient and continue to thrive. I still have a long road ahead of me, but in time, I know I'll reach where I need to be; where I belong.

"Let's go to Denny's!" - Jenn
Thanks to everyone who has supported me. Once I'm settled, I'm going to pick up caricaturing on my free time again. Just to loosen up. Then continue with my animations.

Now then... off to LA!

Who The Hell Was Gabriel?

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 09:49:43 GMT

So maybe the last 5 or so posts have made absolutely no sense to anyone other than me... Not only were they few and far in between, they are ramblings of a psychotic. I've noticed my posts have pretty much nothing interesting in them anymore... I realize my life isn't really interesting and there are like 2 people that maybe read this. So i wanted to write more for myself, kind of develop a story... It was about a fellow named Gabriel. I was going to take instances from my own life and throw them into some melodramatic situation for Gabriel to battle with (he's a schizo)... but to be quiet honest, i just don't care for it anymore... I don't even think i care about this LJ anymore... over 6 years of entries and I'm about to call it quits. I find there are many other more meaningful blogs out there that actually provide useful information as opposed to me telling my audience of said 2 about what i ate that night... So, i will formally announce this LJ will be in the process of turning into an empty shell... maybe I will update once a year? Haha... still pointless but again, nothing interesting to say that people who know me dont already no. But for old times sake I will state the obvious.

I'm back in California. I work at a low paying but extremely relax job at the Academy of Art University in San Francisco. I freelance to make a couple extra bucks. I also Tutor AAU students. I plan on moving to SF hopefully in the next 6 months so I can be closer to my job. And um... that about be it. Anyone want to know the minor stuff, email me or something... I'm lonely!

Goodbye... sorta.

Oh, go to noodles2go.blogspot.com where I actually post stuff now and then... its more of a sketch blog though so it's a bit more entertaining in my opinion. K. bye. really. bye.

"I'll miss you!" -Jenn

Awake

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 04:40:55 GMT

I woke up this morning. There was a funny taste in my mouth. That metallic taste of blood rested on my tongue. My jaw hurt as if someone had forced it open wider than it could go. Oh, and I had a headache... That wasn't what freaked me out though.

I went into the bathroom and noticed I hadn't shaved in a while... Funny thing though. I usually shave every morning as per my ritual after my morning piss. And by a while, I mean... I had the whole Grizzly Adams thing going on. I laughed at the thought that it could have been some freak 2nd puberty or fallen into a coma like Rip Van Winkle, but really, that's unrealistic. Right? Regardless. That wasn't what freak me out either.

God, I felt dirty. God, I was dirty. Dirt seemed packed into my overgrown nails, clotted beneath the wrinkles of my armpits and... other places. It was crusted against my back, dried into my hair, stuck to the insides of my shoes... Why the hell was i wearing my shoes to bed? That didn't freak me out as well.

Took a shower, trimmed my nails, dumped the permanently stained clothes and sheets from my bed. You know how hard it is to get mud stains out of beige carpets?! You can't just bleach it because it will look whiter than the rest of the floor, you just gotta keep scrubbing and pray you don't tear out all the fabric. Thank God for the man who invented Oxy Clean. That shit doesn't work as quick as you see on TV, but it does the trick eventually. I turned on the TV, nothing good on. I couldn't even recognize any of these damn sitcoms. It pisses me off that the minute you finally get used to one show, they cancel it and replace it with something crappier. I waited for the news to come on, cause at least then I could watch a fake story that at least sounded realistic. The heater kicked in; felt good. I didn't even realize I was freezing until I felt the warm air hit me through the vents. I closed my eyes and let my body temperature rise to something a little more comfortable. I sat on my sheetless bed thinking to myself, what the hell kind of night did i have? I couldn't remember a damn thing. I kept thinking, "God, what the hell was I on?" And then i started to think, god, why the hell does my headache hurt more and more every time i even think the words God, or Hell? And even then. Even then thats not what freaked me out.

The news finally came on. And that's when I realized... Atop the TV was a note. I started to read the note, and with each word I read, I felt my headache pounding harder and harder, and thinking "MY GOD THIS HURTS!" only made it worse! Lucky thing for me the note was just that, no more than a damn sentence... Too bad I'm a slow reader, because it only made my head hurt the longer it took me to finish reading a single sentence. I dropped the note and felt like fainting... Actually, to be honest. I did faint. Last thing I remember now? Hearing the news reporter for the TV wish me a "Happy Valentine's Day".

"Thanks for the shitty night Gabriel, rot in Hell!" -the Note

Life in the My Lane

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 09:45:00 GMT

My god, he won't shut up. He defends his brother who probably doesn't even love him. I mean, all this kid ever does is believe in people he literally knows will betray his trust in the end. Everybody... It's probably why he still hangs around us. He's actually kind of annoying, it's hard to drown him out.

I looked at them the other night, and really wanted to see them quiet. Not just quiet, but really quiet. But he had to spoil all the fun. Everytime. The fucker... It would just be so much easier if he would leave us alone and let us do our thing... Shit, he's still here. LEAVE.

I wonder if the others will ever speak out. I bet they are too afraid. Probably in regards to what i said earlier. Anyone i know that is stupid enough to speak up ironically is a threat. What can i say. The stupid scare me. Always screwing things up.

I was about to push him off the other night. He was standing there, probably thinking what i already wanted to do. But he just stood there... looking down, looking forward to accepting that he simply was not wanted... but noooooo, he had to go and think, maybe one day, things would get better. And to be honest, i think they could... if he only would stop being such a fucking loser. Which will never happen. God i pushed and i pushed and i pushed, but he wouldn't budge... fuck.

Do you hear that? We are getting louder.

no...

"I am getting louder," -Gabriel

The Greater Act of Falling Face First

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 04:13:55 GMT

Haha, he just sat there alone, and sobbed like a little baby. I almost felt bad for him, but what good what that do? he'd just sit there and feel better that he is a complete failure. Like he said earlier, he has his mother's backbone, and his father's lack of ambition. What good are you if you can stand up to doing absolutely nothing. It makes no fucking sense. And then other's had to chime in as well, but they aren't important to me. If they start to pose a threat, i'll kill them. But i digress.

What's the point in yelling at someone if you are going to apologize later? you had something to say, so you said it, and then you try to take it back? how pathetic are you? Useless.

The one good thing that came of this? It made our presence greater. What he doesn't kill, makes us stronger. And knowing him, he could never kill. he's too weak. And when the others are aware, they will agree. He will be as useless to us later as he is to us now, and we they realize it too, we can dispose of him and anyone else who gets in our way.

He is a tool, not just to us, but to everyone. Some have asked me, if he has taken so much care of me, made sure i remained safe, and basically made me who i am today, how could i ever talk so low of him. Simply said, he made me this way. He taught me to weed out the weak, the useless, and that the only thing hindering your survival, is everyone else.

That includes us.

"When the shit hits the fan, no one will even know my name," -Gabriel

Waste Space

Sun, 18 Nov 2007 19:30:19 GMT

Don't listen to me.

So... it's been almost 4 months since I've been out here. In the desert. Practically alone... it's not so bad. I have a couple friends here and there, some family, and a overly rambuncious pup. It just doesn't feel like there are enough people though... this town... its so empty. I can go to the city now and then and there are people there. I feel the familiar sounds, lights, and smells of home, but I am lost. And feel helpless. I have no job. I have no money. I just have the kids. The kids and what little work i produce here and there. I have no self motivation. I need to be told what my job is, I need someone to direct me, to let me know what my reward will be if i complete my task. A paycheck? a steady job? a pat on the back? but nothing... I get nothing. Wait. I take that back. I get experience. But i waste it. So yea. Nothing.

I am so out of the animation loop, I dont even know if I care of it anymore. I dream and dream of "Ohhh I'll do something productive today", or "ahhhh I got a great idea..." Yet the sun is already down and I still sitting in front of my computer, blank screen. Nothing to show for the hours I have wasted, the minutes i've squandered.

My life, it's not even my own. It's run by something else. Call it fate? I don't believe in fate. God's ultimate plan? I don't believe in God. But someone else is calling the shots. I know it. Call it Paranoia? yea, that's it.

My life... No... Their life is nothing more than some sick twisted joke of drama that never allows myself to feel good about what I do, about who I... They are. Save me the melodramatic monologue, this isn't me speaking. Is this them? For their entertainment? This is them telling me to write my own script. Their own script. Our life. Singular. If that makes any sense. Only, I don't get my paycheck in the end. This would be considered a job, if i had a life outside of it. Where's my pat on the back? I have nothing. And will continue to have nothing. How rewarding.

Who am I? Is this me speaking? No... But it's not them either. They just direct my life, not my mind. I am someone else. He is someone else. And I am dangerous. Very, very dangerous. Thank god I'm sane, thank god he's not real. Because I am.

This isn't about my life. It's about his now. What you know about me from this, it's not. He is in control. I am calling the shots. From now on. This is my story. He is dead. Dead for now. I will be back. But for now, his life... my life, is being written. You will come to fear me, hate him, and think we are crazy. So if you have a problem with him, Don't listen to me.

Stop listening.

"What is death?" -Cassidy

An Empty World

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 10:43:07 GMT

On July 19th, 2007, at 11:58pm, my Aunt Christina passed away. May she live in our hearts forever.

Here is 1 of 3 videos i made dedicated to her life. Please watch it so that you may see what a wonderful life she has lived.

"Coke Please," -Aunt Christina

A Sacrifice

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 08:26:05 GMT

About 4 years ago my Aunt Christina was diagnosed with breast cancer. She underwent chemotherapy and according to the doctors, successfully eliminated the cancer. She hated the chemotherapy though, it was poison (and it really is) to her body. She had a sudden change in lifestyle and switched everything over to organic, and all natural, nothing chemical would enter her body. I had a conversation with her a couple years ago, if the cancer ever came back, would she undergo chemotherapy again, she said never again.

In the past months she had been complaining about back pain. My uncle and mother had open a new restaurant recently, and she thought it might have been from lifting too much and overexerting herself. She started to take it easy, but the pain only got worse. She went to a doctor and it turns out, the cancer had come back, and this time it was spreading through her veins. It attacked her liver, her lungs, her kidneys...

Today I got a call from my brother, she is in stage 4 of cancer, it has reached her brain. She is in a lot of pain and starting to hallucinate. According to the doctors she has a day or two at most. I want to believe that a miracle will happen. She isn't my biological aunt, she has been a great addition to my family, has blessed us with my 3 beautiful cousins, and I love her.

I am leaving for Arizona this wednesday to go be with my family. It may be too late, but it's the soonest i can leave. I have nothing to offer in terms of help other than myself. I told my mom that i will be moving to Arizona to come help the family if they need it. My uncle will need to go back to work and help my mom with their business, but someone needs to be with the kids, and also help with any extra work. I will have to put my life on hold, and I don't know for how long. It could be months, to a year, to several years. I will do whatever it takes until things get better. Everyone else in the family already has their own responsibilities, their own families, and opportunities they have to worry about. I just graduated, but I don't have a job, I dont have any people relying on me, I have nothing. I might as well make myself useful. It's all i have to offer.

I don't believe in a god but the rest of my family does, so if anyone else does, do me a favor and pray for the sake of my aunt.

"Love Life," -Atomosphere

Lush Rush

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 09:21:54 GMT

Eh... about to go to Vegas so i figure i just post some pics that i've taken in the past month.

Lead Singer of the Spazmatics. They were sporting the whole "Revenge of the Nerds Motif". Played awesome 80's hits.

Daisy cheesing for the camera.

Kiersten and her Dangerous Cookies...

Blue Chalk Lounge... apparently the place to be.

This was at work... apparently a sleeping bomb went off and took down a group of teenagers...

Chilling with Daisy on the balcony of the Hotel Valencia, took a pic of the view... unfortunately the only one to no come out blurry was off a parking structure...

My homies...

Dana and her son, myself, and Doreen

What can I say... i like older women.

Ran into Daisy at the Kings Head...

Delana, Some girl's name i don't remember, Megan, and Kiersten

Kiersten was very drunk... and allowed Delana and her brother to write on her back... in Sharpie...

Dan and Kiersten dropping it like it's hot.

Yea, thats what I've been up too on my time off. Play hard, work harder.

I want an iPhone...

"I bet you're an artist"
"What gave it away?" -Me
"I could just tell..." -Some kid watching me work

Driving Miss Daisy

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 07:02:00 GMT

so i had this long ass entry about how awesome a weekend i had... but rather than bore with details, i just wanna say i had an awesome weekend last week. Probably just cuz i've been working hard during the week so a little break on the weekend was nice.

So i guess my high sales at great america aren't just a beginner's luck fluke. I'm still maintaining high numbers... but i get this feeling that the spiels i spout every day are getting old. But to the rest of the crowd they are still new... but it makes me feel less confident in what i say, like i wont be able to lure them with my lulls. But overall the last two weeks i made about $2500 in net sales beating Fabian (haha!) by just barely $15, the price of our cheapest sketch. Even if I didn't have the highest net sales though, i would have had the highest average dollar per hour which is what really counts. I had something like $60 per hour. I'm sure it will go down the next two weeks... working a lot of slow weekdays... but i'm happy knowing it wasn't just luck and I'm good at what i do... unless i got lucky twice... hmm... I only wish my drawings matched my sales... one day. i hope. =)

so i updated my sketch blog, if anyone cares.

Make the Jump!

and I'm working on putting together an ACTUAL professional website, not some stupid trying to be funny or uncared website. So far i'm just making sure the code works and stuff, so there is no real content other than the first page... and the information isn't really correct in that either. but anyway, give that a gander if u feel so inclined.

Gander Away

K, that's all.

"Yes Jason, you win today," -Anne

Lazy Daze

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 08:31:17 GMT

I don't feel like i'm on vacation... and i dont feel like im in school either... but i'm worn out...

"Hunter's ass stinks," -Daisy
"So quit smelling it," -Me

Deep

Sat, 26 May 2007 10:47:20 GMT

I'm about as stupid as I am nothing to no one. I'd have to say it's easier being on the other end, pretending to feel bad just to make yourself not seem like such a jerk... Not like it's your fault or anything. Do whatever the hell you want.

I think someone is having sex above me... there is crazy noises coming from outside...

Would u get mad if someone didn't believe your lies? like they didn't trust you? you know, because you lie? Is it fair for you to get mad at them? I saw so many people fighting today... It was gay pride night at Great America. Lots of queers were running into their exes and fights were erupting... I was a witness to one and heard several others. All domestic, he said that, he did this...

The noises are far and few... are they taking breaks?

What the hell am I angry at? more or less myself, and I don't understand why, and it only makes me more angry. Giving up and giving in are such easy solutions... use, abuse, and take advantage of the weak. how the hell do I use myself?

The sounds have stopped... probably less than fully satisfying.

The people you least suspect are the ones you should respect. Out of nowhere they come, they are few to none.

Crazy, she is screaming. Sounds like he did something right. Oh, nevermind apparently he's hurting her, he better slow down.

I deserve this, for whatever reason, i deserve this... will they get the same treatment?

its almost 4am, and some couple just got some under the witness of my peeping ears.

It's too late... If I had only known sooner, I may have saved myself. It's too late now, in too deep. Only thing left to do is go deeper. Darker. We all deserve this, it's our punishment for being born, for being human. Those who die young die innocent. The rest, we are sinners.

"What just happened here?" -Some gay dude hitting on me...

Familiar

Thu, 17 May 2007 11:00:51 GMT

I feel like giving up.

"We are going to go to the Desert and it will be lots of fun," -Dad

Crazy Daze

Fri, 11 May 2007 09:34:00 GMT

Howdy all. So i haven't utilized my break to much of anything... just being lazy... maybe i deserve a little break. I'm still all sore from that work out day i had on monday. Geez, i'm so out of shape!

Anyway, here is some of my recent work. And a link to my new art blog! check it out guys! it's where i'll be posting most of my art from now on. Feel free to leave comments, whether they are compliments or harsh critiques it's encouraging to know it's being seen. =D

more at Doodles by Noodles!

"I didn't know you rode a motorcycle," -Daisy

A Better Man

Mon, 07 May 2007 08:49:37 GMT

By the end, you remember everything from the start.

School is practically done. I go to my graduation ceremony this saturday, but i technically dont graduate til end of summer. I have one class that i don't even really show up to. It's a just a BS class i pay 2000 bucks so that someone can see what work im putting together for my demo reel. Well... depending on who teaches this class will determine if it's bs... but i have a feeling it will be.

Anyway, i can now FINALLY work on my own stuff, more digital paintings, more people studies, more character design, more caricatures, and more progress! School has been a rough ride, i only wish i realized how naive i had been the past couple years up until this semester and how serious i should have taken everything. I treated school like something to get done, never put enough effort into it... This semester I felt I really tried. I felt proud of myself for once. That feeling of pride was swiftly replaced with a whole lot of "Fail" though. Until I get a job, I will consider myself a Fail. Not just any job, but the one i want...

Speaking of job, it was sweet. Last week i was the #1 in sales for 2 weeks, beating Fabian and Anne! No wonder Anne gave me an awesome review. She told me i go the best review over everybody since the start of the season. But that only means higher standards are set for me, i need to keep this up... and that worries me. I always start strong but plateau... This week i fell down 4 ranks! I'm now in 5th! i've been having bad days... slow park, bad stands. They keep putting me at this one stand, Grizzly, and others can sell there, but I can't... i just don't feel good there, the lighting is shit, the register is too high, i can't find my groove! There is one person that seems to be consistently having bad days... He's another newbie, Adrian. Adrian is always in last place. I feel bad... I see a lot of potential in the dude, but i don't think he is in the right mind set to utilize it. He is quiet and shy, and his sketches aren't really that good... But with practice and some jump in moral i know he can do it! I wanna get this kid out, get him to a coffee shop and just really get him pumped up!

Anyway... i should sleep now. Big day tomorrow...

8am - Run with Fabian
10am - Draw with Fabian, Anne, and have Coffee with Christine all at the same time
2pm - Spider-Man 3
5pm - Rock Climbing with Corby and Phil
8pm - Trivia Night at Trials with Fabian and possibly Anne
11pm - Pass out

"I want to say I really noticed the effort you put into your work this semester has dramatically increased from when you last had classes with me," - Dave Perry

Friends and Regulations

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:54:15 GMT

Lately i've been feeling the whole world hates me... could be my own self disgust. Bleah. I'm mad at myself because right now, at this moment, i should be doing my hw, working on my final projects, not sleeping a full 8 hours. I should be hard at work! yet here i am... updating. On top of that, though i like my job, and I think i'm decently well at it for a newbie, it makes me sick to hustle people... I'm good at getting people to buy shit they dont want, if i were a car salesman, i'd be rich. it may sound egotistical, but i KNOW i'm a damn good salesman, not the best, but o yea, im good. But i HATE salesmen, because they dont quit, they ask you consistently, over and over, making you feel dumb for not getting the extra options, getting you to waste your money on something you really do not want. With that said, i don't mind when some comes up to me, gets a full body couples sketch (and assuming i think i did a good job drawing it which is rare) and then i convince them to get it framed... I'm find with that, i put in a lot of work to make a good drawing, i'm happy with it, they are happy with it, and now it's protected.

But today... god, i feel evil for this... Some little teeny bopper, maybe like 14 at the most, came up to me and asked if i could draw her and her "boyfriend". I told her no problem and that her b/f and her can sit down next to each other. Well... apparently her b/f wasn't with her. and she didnt have any picture. nothing. i first told her, "well i can't draw him then... i could draw you, and like a shadow of a dude and u can say it's ur b/f, but im not gonna just make up a face". She considered it... but kept insisting i drew both her and her b/f. I told her i would charge her full price if she had me do that, thats $40 bucks plus tax. she said she really wanted this, but i had the feeling she really didn't want to do this... she may just be gaga over some dude and think it will impress him or something? So i did it... I made up a face. She told me he looked like one of the dudes in our demo sketches, so i started to draw that then asked, "wait, what nationality is he? what does he really look like?". Asian. The demo dude was a mexican! So i just drew a sterile asian guy, no personality or character to it. And then as i drew her, she asked me to draw her with her hair long and straight. She had like cornrowed braids! So i completely made up the dude next her, made up her hair, and her face barely even resembled her. On top of that, i convinced her to buy a matte. So i sold her $50 plus tax worth of shit that in my opinion had zero value. She left with a look in her eyes like "i made such a stupid decision...". Or so i thought. This is not the end of the story.

So later on, im drawing some more people, when i see this girl show up at my stand again, right away i think, "shit, she's gonna ask for a refund". So when i finish my sale i ask her what i can i do for her. Shes like "well... i sent the pic to my b/f and he said it was cool and it sorta kinda looked like him... i was wondering if you could draw me that volley ball picture too". TOO? You mean u want to still keep that crap piece i did and have me draw you ANOTHER one?! ... okay... it came out just about as bad as the first... i really didn't want to draw her, i just wanted a sale... i convinced her to get that matted as well. she had that same, "shit i really don't want this" look on her face.

Now an example of me being happy with my sales today? I drew this kid today, as a demo, he just had a crazy fro, i had to draw him. so when we demo, we draw people for free, but they can't keep the drawing, unless they wanna buy it... its the opposite of a normal sale where someone wants to get drawn and you hope they don't reject it. Anyway, so i draw this kid. When i draw teen boys, especially the surf and turf kinda kids, i go nuts, i exaggerate more than i do on any of my other drawings and dont worry about is it gonna come out "pretty". When i do that, they usually come out pretty good. so the kid thought it was hilarious but didnt want to buy it, too expensive. So later, the same kid and his friends come by and i say, "hey, why dont i draw one of you other guys, im bored". So i draw this kid, and it comes out great as well, the kid loves it, and his friends tell him he should get it. He asks the price but says its too much. I tell him... "well if u and ur buddy buy this and the one before, i'll sell them to you 5 bucks off each, thats 10 bucks off". I dunno if im allowed to do that (i really think im not... thats like stealing?) but i do it anyway and they are like, sweet i'll do it. They take off all happy. Later on they pass buy AGAIN. This time the third friend wants to get drawn. And cuz i charged the other two only 10 bucks for their black and white, its only fair i do the same for this kid. This one came out... so so, i imagined something and it didn't come out how i really wanted, because this time i knew it was a for sure sale, i choke up. Plus he didnt smile... if he smiled i think it would've been awesome, he had huge gums. But whatever, they were all happy with it, and i was decently happy with it, and they got a good deal.

Sigh... okay, these damn stories are long. But i got another one. Last week, I drew this one girl. I remembered her name because she was so sweet, Michelle. For some reason the name Jeff was written on the undersketch i did of her. I didnt know why, but it was there when i got there. The girl was creeped out. Why? because apparently her "nick name" is Jeff. I don't know why. it is. So she remembered my name because of that, and everytime she passed by my stand she was said "HIIIIII JASONNNNNN!!" and "BYEEEEE JASOOOOONNN". Well today, she came back to the park. Same thing! all the girls she was with were like "HHHHHIIIIII JASOOOONNNNN!!!" and one of them got drawn. I though they were alone, but apparently one of their moms was with them. She loved the sketch so much, thought it was adorable. Even offered me a tip... which i stupidly rejected (that couldve paid for my lunch!). But i convinced her to get a wood frame. Very nice. Sketch was okay... not my best, not my worst.

I had many good sales today, but that one bad one, ruined it all. just made me sick, i disgust myself. At the same time too, i feel like my coworkers dislike me... i dunno why, maybe im paranoid? I get praised by my bosses as far as sales, but scolded constantly for my mistakes. I already got written up! i was late 6 minutes twice. I arrive on time at the park, but you have to walk sooo freakin far to actually get to ur booth cuz the park is so big. And then i was scolded for trying to practice drawing lines instead of people. The park JUST opened so no one wanted to get sketched, and i only sat down for 2 minutes, just so i'd be prepared for when someone WANTED to get drawn... I dunno... I think i remember the reasons i dont like working, too many rules and regulatons... They are set there for a reason, and i understand... but i still dont like them. I wonder if my boss, Anne, is being overly strict on me because she fears us being friends outside of work affects how seriously i take my job at work. I don't think its on purpose, or maybe she is like that to everyone. It's fine though, I'm able to separate work and play, i never let feelings cross between the two. Not that i'm mad at her all though, i can't really argue back that i was late, or that i wasn't hustling... though i felt it was a little harsh. I'll stop know before i put my other foot in my mouth.

Today started off slow. Didnt make any money til near the end of my shift. Then i asked my boss if i could stay longer and try to sell more. She surprisingly said yes (they normally make u go home early if ur not selling). It was a good decision though. I ended up working from open to close, 10 to 7. But made $500 exactly on my own on a slow? day. I sold more than other booths COMBINED. I was the top seller of the day, almost doubling the runner up. in all fairness though, it took me ALL day to do. but Fabian says thats what it takes if ur gonna be a top seller, u work, hustle, and dont quit. I ended up drawing til security said i couldn't take any more customers. I wonder if i'll be able to break $1000 this year. I was told that most newbies never even break $400 their first year. Fabian is the exception. I want to be an exception to.

It's so wierd, this year. I never would have guessed i would end up being friends with Fabian. Or even admiring him. He is so strong in his convictions. He may not be the greatest artist now, but i can see he will be one hell of an animator in the future, and i'd like to follow suite. I think just seeing his progress was inspirational. Last year he was around my level now, so i feel if he can do it, i can do it, but i have to be just as dedicated if not more if im ever to get near his calibur. What made me respect him even more was recent events. Some time last year, before we ever started talking to each other, we both did a digital portrait of a dude holding a gun. Neither were for a class, they were both on our own free time, and were unrelated to each other, the concept was the same, executions were WAY different.

Mine

Fabians

Eerie eh? Both were based from movies too, his was Taxi and mine was the Professional.

Well, our school has a senior art gallery exhibit, showcase what we graduating seniors feel are our best work. I only had two items i submitted and Fabian had like 6. We both submitted our gun paintings. About an hour after i handed mine in, i was told by a teacher it wouldnt be shown due to the recent school shooting at V-tech. It wasn't meant to be a form of censorship, but out of respect. I at the time felt that made sense and wouldn't argue it. The teacher told me someone else (Fabian) did a similar piece and that was rejected as well. I told Fabian the next day and he went nuts. He was so angry. He wanted to write letters, throw out postcards all over the school with our drawings, and just totally rebel. He is going to give the a letter tomorrow about how he doesn't want to be part of a school that censors art, and is considering pulling all his work from the show for this reason. He said he wasn't just doing it for himself either, he was doing it for my work as well. I thought he might be taking things a little far, and he even thought so, but he talked to his mom about it and she told him to stay strong with what he believes in. If you don't respect your art, it won't respect you. I dunno what im going to do at this point... I should do the exact same on my own... but i don't know think im that upset over it. But if he asked me to follow him, i would. Whether or not he knows it, he has done a lot for me already, as far as inspiration, motivation, and as a friend. I owe him a lot.

I've had 3 people ask me to move in with them the past month. First was Carilyn... She sounds so intent on getting me to go with her to Oregon, going as far as offering to let me live with her for free, pay for my plane tickets and everything... Anne was looking for a room mate, but needed one by the beginning of this month, but im not sure about my living situation til after i graduate, so she's already found a place. And then Katie. She feels we could live together for sure cuz we practically have in the past so we both know each other's habits. She could live with mine... though I dunno if i could live with hers. Both her and Carilyn are waiting for an answer from me, but neither will except "no" at the moment.

"Just because it's you... i'm not gonna make any exceptions," -Anne

Second Hand

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 07:15:03 GMT

For a while i felt my park sketches have been a step backwards in the direction i wanted to go, but today i felt i made a bit of step forward during the middle of my day. By the end it was a step back again, but i discovered some new ways to work on my trouble areas such as eyes and hair. One of the things i realized i've been doing is blindingly going into a drawing, not know really what i'm going to do til i start with a bad line. my control of the pressure of my marker is improving, but my hand wont stay steady when i really need it too... *sigh* I only wish i remembered to bring my camera into the park, i sold the best in park sketch i felt i ever did today... and they didnt even get it framed! *sniff* confidence is key, when people were enjoying my demos each drawing got better. but the minute i got one frown, it was all down hill...

Went to go see TMNT. I dunno why i hear so much, "eh... it was okay" about it, i thought it was awesome. Sure it didn't have Shredder on it, but i mean really, why keep rehashing the same villian? I thought the comedy in it was great, the animation was decent, cinematography was stunning, the character designs even more so, plot to me was enjoyable... I know i'm going to buy this movie when it comes out. I give the director and producer props for attempting (and in my opinion succeeding) in reviving the Turtles. The key to being a good critic is enjoying a movie for what it is... lately i see so many people who feel a movie is terrible just because it wasn't stellar in every fathomable way. screw that. i smell like smoke. >_<

The answer is very simple. Just like that.

"Everybody knows someone that has something, so who cares?!" -Sabina (my thoughts exactly)

Best of Nothing

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 05:47:18 GMT

So my first two weeks at work have been rather successful. I'm the #3 top seller out of like 15 people, bested by Fabian as #2 and Anne as #1. It's kinda cool that is us 3 as the top 3 because even before the season started we were all hanging out and drawing at coffee shops together. though, im curious how long i can maintain this position, I feel like its been for a stroke of luck, i always have this effect at jobs. I start off real strong, but plateau and that lustrous shine of mine fades. Selling better than the seasoned people, the veterans, feels nice sorta, but it means shit as far as artistry goes. I'm just good at being a salesman, it's a rather annoying trait really. I feel so guilty after almost every drawing I sell. I want to practice more... i just want to get better at drawing people, i want to stop working on everything else... just learn how to draw the figure, the face, and everyday life.

This past week i haven't seen any improvement. If anything, i think i've taken a step back... At the coffee shop im not afraid to take a risk and frankly i don't care to much if it's really bad cuz i mean hell, i do it for free. and i think the angle i draw at i have more control, i'm not used to drawing on a canvas in an upright position, i don't have steady hands.

All around this feeling of disgust or hostility. is it me?

why would you want to forget something so beautiful?

"I can tell you are going to be a valuable asset to the company," -Anne

Breaking Eggs

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 18:40:30 GMT

I've been MIA for a while, lots of stuff happening as of late. The main event being my dad was in the hosptial for part of last week. He was showing signs of a heart attack when he go to work tuesday morning and was admitted into the ER where he stayed there for about 10 hours. His heart rate was double that of a normal person and was jumping erratically all over the place. When they were able to keep it stable it was still very high, so he had to stay for observation the next few days. Since he got to the hospital in time, his heart never failed, but talks of giving him a pacemaker if his heart didnt calm down were up in the air. But he is fine now, on medication and he has to change his diet and excercise more... just a wake up call he is getting older, but me thinks he'll change his diet for a couple months and go back to eating unhealthy again... just knowing him...

I'm one to talk though, the past month or two i havent really been eating great or exercising, i've been so caught up in school and training for work and drawing, i haven't had time to do much of anything other than those 3 things. I'm gonna try and get back into the swing of things soon though, semester is up in a month and i only have one class next semester. But saying things is easier than doing.

My abilities as an artist have improved drastically in the past few months but my confidence in those abilities has been diminishing. There is so much to learn and I feel I'm learning these things too late. Struggling to play catch up. With enough perservirence and commitment though, maybe i'll get there... maybe. Fundamentals before bells and whistles.

Really, rather than doing this "short" i've been working on for my port class, i'd rather just focus on doing small action animations. I don't have the skills necessary to create a full production and trying to put this all together is really discouraging me. i was excited at first, but now... Maybe i'm just not happy with the way things are turning out. I'd rather spend my time developing character concepts and animating them afterwards, not all the inbetween stuff like modeling, rigging, story, ect... This could just be a bump in the road though, this feeling could pass once i get this boring stuff out of the way.

Started working at Great America recently. My first day I only worked 2 and a half hours, managing to sell a meager one drawing, making 75 dollars. This past weekend though i managed to sell more than a returning veteran did where she worked a full day and i only worked 3 hours, totaling somewhere around 250 or something like that. The next day I sold about the same (over a longer period of time) but still was one of the top sellers beating even Fabian by 5 bucks. I think it was all luck really, but at least I was selling. I may not be happy with my drawings, but they are selling and i'll be able to keep my job. =)

So here is some stuff I've done in the past couple weeks...

And more caricature montages! I'm starting to be happy with the way some of these turn out, if you look at my first few, you will (or at least i hope you will) notice a good amount of improvement.

This one was done in about 90 seconds full page, so i think it came out alright for just being drawn really quickly... and in the dark.

fooling around in class...

I really liked drawing the kid in this one, he wouldn't stop crying cuz his dad was playing chess with some else and the boy didnt understand.

One last thing, I've been so sleepy lately, sleeping on average 10 hours a day, going to bed earlier and earlier, when im used to sleeping at 2am. I went to bed last night at 9am... and i have to take naps too! wtf?! right?

That's all for now... my computer is gonna die.

"I had a dream about you and I cruising off to random locations and becoming nomads together," -Carilyn

Something Hidden

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 07:12:19 GMT

First off, i have some important news. I'm a daddy. Yeah, i know, I have enough on my plate to take on another responsibility, but sometimes things like this just happen. I'm going to put all my effort to make sure my baby lives a full and happy life.

Welcome baby Tak.

Tak is an Argentine Black and White Tegu. Tegus are the next evolutionary step to a monitor lizard. Right now mine is only a baby, maybe 3 or 4 months old? but one day... Tak will be this big.

When he gets to be that big, i'm gonna have to give him a whole room to himself as his cage. That or just let him roam the house and only put him in a big vivarium/terrarium when im not home or asleep. I'll figure something out.

Tegus are pretty smart from what i hear. You can litter train them, you can take them for walks, they will recognize you as their owners, and are pretty tame. Not quite domesticated, but close. This is the first reptile i've ever owned... i hope i do a decent job raising it. So far Tak has been asleep most of the time I'm home except around 6pm to 10pm. hopefully he'll start becoming more active, Tegus are just coming out of hibernation around this time.

Other news, it looks like i got the job doing caricatures, though i still dont think im ready yet. but i start this saturday. I went out practicing this afternoon and here are the results.

and as usual, there is other stuff to say, but i'm too tired now to talk about it. Goodnight.

"It's good to see you are practicing," -Anne

The Greatest Fall

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 08:59:21 GMT

I haven't updated in a while... just been busy. Was sick the past 2 weeks. My immune system has failed me, once was a great magnificent wall of impenetrable white cells is now just a mere shadow of its former glory.

Drawing and working on homework for me in public places has become an horrible habit as of late. I feel... lost, when im at home. Only reason I don't go back out is cuz every place is closed! I just hate staying indoors now. I really hate it. This house feels so empty.

I went to wondercon, a comic book convention. I got to meet my hero, Bobby Chiu. And his partner in crime, Kei Acedera. See, here they are, all happy like.

yea, my hero looks like a total spaz. But his art could kick your ass. Wondercon was pretty cool the first two days, got to see Brad Bird (director of the Incredibles, Iron Giant, and future Pixar movies). Saw sneak peeks of Rattatouie, TMNT, and Spiderman 3. Saw Ali Lader (from Heroes) and Hilary Swank (Boys Don't Cry, Million Dollar Baby, upcoming The Reaping). Spent a ton of money on art books, hopefully i'll learn something from them.

What else... Went to the Oakland zoo, drew some sick ass giraffes and lions. I can see an improvement in my animal drawings. Just need to keep it up. I'll post animal stuff next time.

Um... Shaved mah head. See?

its all the rage.

Been just working on all my projects lately... can't say i've been slacking off these past weeks, but at the same time i don't feel like i've been producing much I'm happy with.

My animation teacher, Pat, wants me to go to Canada for the Summer and go to Sheridan College. Hey, thats where Bobby Chiu teaches! But... I don't think i have the money to get there, and i want to do this caricature job i'm applying for (thought thats not valid enough to give up an opportunity to go to Toronto). Also, I dunno if i'm good enough to get into. Pat says their summer program is easier to get into, but still... Apparently the top animators and artists go to this school. I need to check it out though, something to consider.

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up.

I dunno really what else to say at the moment, a lot has happened since I've been sick, but i think i've gotten the most memorable stuff... Here are some pages from my sketchbook. actually a lot of pages. and this is only a fraction of what i've been up to. But this is the better stuff.

In the middle of training for caricaturing at Great America. This is crap compared to what i should be able to do... give me another week. i swear i'll get better... or i dont think i'll get hired. >_<

I'm starting to picture people naked while drawing their bodies sometimes... yea, creepy huh. trust me... its not to get my rocks off.

Fudd totally should have been a Spartan

"Move with me to Oregon," -Carilyn (sorry... nothing there for me.)

A Dissonant Man

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 07:46:15 GMT

Was at barefoot and two bands played. I fused them together!

I bought the second band's (the two on the left) CD to give to my friend, but when i got home i look at it, and it looks strangely sterpicious. It looked blank! so i pop it in, and its blank! i bought a blank CD! =(

the chick that was playing the marimba works at barefoot though, so im sure i can get an actual one.

I gotta get started on that boar... I can picture it... just not... blink it into existence.

So i dont think i'll be going to Sonoma this weekend. Uncle is coming to town and i see him like... once a year? so i figure this will be that once for the year. Sorry Chris...

Carilyn wants to make it a weekly thing to come down and climb with me... but I know her, it'll be a phase.

I drew today... but I didn't feel I got enough done. This upsets me. How did i manage waste most of my day away? Between school and having to eat or shower, I was working all day...

"All the knowledge I possess everyone else can aquire, but my heart is all my own," -Goethe

Form, Figure, Poetry

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 09:48:41 GMT

I was getting sick last night. and I woke up well. I love my immune system. Only fails me once a year or so. =D

Why the hell do people call me "Jay Dawg" or "Jas-ON!!!" ??? my name is Jason...

According to Pat, I've been on the right track with all my assignments this past week. I'm happy... maybe the stress is pushing me. Insanity is on the brink, but i should be fine... so long as i can come out of it. It's possible to become sane again right? right?

Went rock climbing with Carilyn and Fabian today. I hurted myself. Got two blood blisters on my right hand and i'm limpin on my right leg like an old man. I fell on a 5.10a. A 5.10a! i mean... what the hell?! hehe, like anyone gets that. 5.10a is the level of climb i am adaquete at. Seldom do i fall on that kind of climb, but they do pose formidable, and 5.10b's are what i'm trying to do right now, so far i've only managed to climb 3 or 4 of those... they are hard! Fabian attempted to climb a 5.10a... i gotta hand it to him, ballsy. he made it a little more a quarter of the way. He did a 5.8 which is what kind of level I expected him to be at, its what most beginners should be around if they have some strength. Carilyn couldn't do a 5.5 though... i think it was mostly in her head, 5.7 and below are almost like climbing ladders. almost. Both did pretty good though I'd say mainly because they gave it a shot. Don't know what you can't do til you try!

Some drawings from Sbux off Mathilda earlier this afternoon, and El Camino Sbux Drive Thru late night tonight.

the asian people in the left area saw us drawing them and were all excited and happy. One of them gave me a tokyo thumbs up, it made him look like a tourist or something. im happy with the way most of these turned out.

There is a party this sunday in Sonoma... Carilyn wants me to go, and i'll probably go... but i don't want to, i really just want to work... Gary got back from Egypt though, and I gotta make time for that dude, I trust him more than anybody.

Need to work on my Meerkat drawings... and make a beat board for my character... "Beat". I'll post pics of him and "Krush" when i finish the final illustrations, i think i'm gonna give them one last revision. Last drawing i did of Beat made him 20x more adorable and I need to make Krush look a little more rustic. Annnnd I gotta breakdown my animations... Sooooo much to do, so little time... Who the hell came up with the idea of sleep?! what a waste of time!

"Remember, it takes two... to tango," -Fabian

The Big Beat

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 07:51:44 GMT

Upgrade to 2 shouts to keep the doctor away

My appetite had disappeared for a few days... The effects were less than satisfying. Hallucenations, headache, and increased hearing sensitivity were among the memorable ones. I ate today though, and glad to say, i'm functional again.

Why Cogswell? Why did i choose Cogswell over some other college, like o say... San Jose State. They have an animation degree... they have a kick ass art program. Why didn't I look into that? Wow I wish I knew to really research before i jumped head first into a college I knew little about other than they specialized in animation...

Would I have learned the life lessons I know now? Teachers like, Thomas Applegate, Jeff Jackson, Dave Perry, Chet Haskell, and Pat Hannaway, I would have never met if I didn't go here... Are their teachers just a good? just as brutal? just as passionate?

I see work from students that go to De Anza, SJSU, ect... their work is phenomenal compared to the average cogswell student. Is it personal talent? personal drive? or was it they were taught the right way? Are we being taught incorrectly? Sometimes our school doesn't even know how it works.

I'm too deep to get out, I've been that way. I am really scared.

I hope i get the job doing caricatures. It would seem so cool to do it. I mean, i do it for fun on my own time, so why not get paid right? I'd be doing it the right way too probably, the quality in mine is so inconsistent. I'll have a good day, then just shit, then more shit, then another good day, and the maybe just okay, but I don't see massive improvement anymore. Did i peak? i hate it when i peak. I improve eventually... but not for a while.

I want to draw a boar.

A double

Few Singles

Naked dude for good measure

Fuck. I lose.

"I think I'm going to theatre hop," -Vicki

Lying Under

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 20:52:46 GMT

Story of my life...

Barefoot is so crazy. I meet so many people and see so many faces, i'm bound to run into them again at some point right? Fabian calls me up, says there's a party, do I wanna come, well since I'd been doing nothing but drawing and studying the past 7 hours, I figured I could use a break. It's his roommate's friend's birthday, and I don't know anyone there. But one seems familiar. Turns out the B-day boy, Omar, was a dude I had been drawing at Barefoot a week back. I easily remembered his face cuz he looked like an Israeli Jewish fella. Small world. Speaking of which, Fabian had just met my friend Carilyn for the first time last week. We all went out to dinner and hung out. Then on V-day, Fabian spots Carilyn in Santa Rosa at a bar. Santa Rosa is 2 hours away from here, so it was more of a coincidence than me spotting Omar. Just wierd though, you meet someone for the first time or take a mental picture of someone that just stands out to you, and then suddenly they appear out of nowhere again in a totally different environment. I like how crazy this world is sometimes. It's a beautiful ugly.

Last night I was a big winner. Mostly for escaping, I was drunk. But, it gave me the edge damnit! Poker game, $20 buy in. I eliminated EVERYONE, I had to do all the dirty work, no one else ever managed to knock anyone out. 8 people. I was just playing to win back my money cuz I mean... damn, 20 bucks on one poker game, to me thats an expensive game! But I got myself nice and plastered prior to playing so my decision making was just a little impaired. But I was playing damn smart, and somehow in my zen like state, i was able to read everybody, i knew when they had the cards or when it was just b/s. I was just on a roll. hehe.

I needed that at least. My mind was elsewhere. I dunno if I was angry or contemplative, or if I'm being a hypocrite, but something kept scratching at my brain. Transfered into my dreams and it was a cruel dream. It wasn't even about me, more like i was watching it happen to someone else. I didnt get a lot of sleep either. I passed out on Fabian's floor and woke up on my own like 4 or 5 hours later. I just laid there pondering, wondering what's next.

I helped David move out. He finally graduated and is going to live with Melissa... then in August they are probably going to move to the mid west if she can't get accepted into a good medical school here. I'm going to miss them. I feel at home when I'm around them. Along with corby we all work together pretty well I think. Corby is gonna be living on his own now.

Ralph is going to move back to Vegas. Then my Dad and step mom will follow suite after he quits his job. And I'll remain here...

The less you know, the less you feel.

"yay, barefoot coffee tomorrow," -Christine